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"Wait you're telling me you couldn't get a cab on New Year's? Shocking." -Hannah
“He’ll drink anything a 10 year old girl would drink.” -Stacey
“Holy moly, that’s a lot of jewelry. I’d rather have stuffed animals.”-Hannah’s cousin as she walked into her room at our apartment
“Well, that’s because you’re 8.” -Hannah
"How does this dress look?" -Katy
"Are you looking to not be single?" -Irina
“No, I mean I’m single but I’m not
looking to be pregnant.” -Katy
"Knoxville and Nashville both have a ville and a nuh." -Brittany
“Even though Richie threw up on our driveway, Trish still saves him a
piece of vasilopita.” -Maria
“What's the difference between a murder and an assassination? Popular.”
-Dad
“If I pictured North Dakota in one group, this is it.” -Alex Jankowski,
on the NDSU hicks
“The windows are not as tinted as we think they are…aka they’re not
tinted at all.” -Andrew, on us staring at the North Dakotans
“If anyone gets arrested tonight call me and I'll take care of the
lobbyist. -Danielle, on working with the government
“I started making my wedding playlist and this is on it.” -Laura, on
a Pitbull song
“I haven't instagrammed anything here. It's like I'm not even here.”
-Alyssa, on Dallas
“Newspaper, I'm probably never going to read that.” -Jillian, as she sees
USA today on the grouind in the hotel room
“My mom went to Costco and I’ve stolen all that toilet paper.” -someone
“You might want to take that giant chain off because you're in Texas.”
-someone
“I can't believe you're all using this dating system.” -Alyssa, on
Tinder
“Yesterday I thought 11 was super early for brunch and now I'm starving.”
-everyone
“Who did I call in Dallas at 2 am? Oh…McDonald's.” -Andrew
“We're using Madden to find out where they're sitting in Indianapolis.”
-Ryan
“We always get these emails like 'Who could die today?'” -Alyssa, on
journalism life at the AP
“Dude the water is the best part.” -Andrew, on the Mexican restaurant
“Are we in Old Navy?” -Andrew, at the Cotton Bowl, at one of the merchandise shops in AT&T Stadium
“Why are we telling everyone about my Tinder experience?” -Sherman
“It's okay Danielle's dating three people.” -Kathryn
“If Mizzou football stays good and bowl games are our reunion trips, how
long will it take for Shaina to start coming?” -Sherman
“We should give them $5 each so they turn the air conditioning on.” -Brad, on Spirit Airlines
“My neighbor have this machine and he call it a snow…blower…?” -Yiayia
“If you are dating someone, there is definitely photo evidence on
Facebook.” -Shelley
“Dating is fun. Not the actually figuring it out part fun, but the date
part because it’s FREE FOOD.” -a friend
“I keep looking at it and reminding myself that people in Minnesota and
North Dakota live like this, but then I remember that’s why I don’t live
there.” -Mere, on the cold weather
“Hey Katie! Just calling to tell you a quick story about my car breaking
down in the cold and a boy from Tinder who came to jump it for me. Talk to you
soon!” -a friend
“Nothing has made me more fortunate working on a 4th floor
with a roof above me than that.” -Meredith, on feces falling from the ceiling on a floor at the Burnett building
“So basically there are all these army guys here and they’re all good
looking but they all turned out to be a-holes.” -Stacey W
“This one guy, we went out a few times…then he told me that he has two
kids with two different moms in two different states. And he was 22.” -Stacey
W
"What do they do, do they take a class on how to play women? They’re
awful." -Stacey W
“If you’re on a break, why are you splitting a sandwich?” -Penelope
“I'm going to ask you a question and I know what you're going to answer,
but hear me out.” -Sherman
"What’s that show about women killing each other?" -Anastasia
"Killer women." -George
"And the diamonds on the ring looked fake. And of course I was like “Oh
it’s beautiful!” but all I could think was ugh. I wouldn’t want that." -Meredith
"He definitely wants me to date him because he offered to buy me a flight
to Miami, but he’s too short." -Kathryn’s friend
"One thing that really bugs me is there is no standard for doors. Which
way do they open?" -Brooke
"I have to buy the cheapest alcohol, which is Burnett's, but they don't even sell it in Milwaukee. -Michelle
"It's the playoffs. Every man has a football boner right now."
-Michelle Rotheiser
"And then I went into the gas station to get a coffee, because I'm old and
can't stay awake." -Michelle
“You are a 24 year-old boy, why are you stuck on a 20 year-old girl who
can't even figure out her sleeping schedule, nonetheless have a relationship?”
-Dani
“He has this super hot, 40-something year old mom. And his mom’s name is
Cherry, which doesn't help matters.” -Dani
It's valet & I don't trust Greek people with my car. -Penelope, on
her BMW at a church event
"I wish this was like Facebook where I could point to them and see who the
mutual friends are." -Stacey, on social situations
"It’s weird to think of your clients as normal people with normal lives." -Stacey
"I think it’s hard to hold a Greek event without someone’s feelings
getting hurt." -Helen
"I don't want flowers, let's do pine cones." -a girl to her
fiancee on a November wedding
"I don't know how I feel about that, I kind of want flowers."
-Guy
"Why do you care? You're a dude." -Girl
“I feel like I have some orders of business to discuss with you.” -Laura,
to Ryan
“And then I read in National Geographic that you can take a trip around
the world for only $70,000." -Laura
“…So we can put that on our list of things to do when we’re 50.” -Laura
“I unplugged the credit card machine to charge my phone." -Kathryn
“Hope we can hang our sometime, rock chalk Jayhawk.” -Guy at a bar to
Hannah
“We tried to get to the cab driver to take us to Montana.” -Susan
“We're at the point in our lives where if you're talking to a guy at a bar
you have to ask are you married?”
“Being in your 20s is so hard mom. I know you were married so you just
don’t know." -Hannah
“Everyone’s just exhausted and wants to kill each other.” –Eleni, on
sorority recruitment.
“I tried to order books on Amazon and was
wondering why they weren’t here yet, but then I realized they were still in the
cart.” -Eleni
“Taking your wedding ring off at a bar is risky. I'm lucky enough to get
home with my shoes.” -Susan
“Justin Timberlake has been my longest relationship. We've been together
since I was 8.” -Hannah
“And his name was River so you already know he's a tool.” -Alex
“The amount of people in here is triple the town we grew up in.” -Neisha,
on United Center compared to Montana
“He won't wish you a Happy Birthday but he'll like the Instagram photo.” -Shelley
“There’s a reputation for older guys trying to pick up younger women in
that area.” -Dad, on Rush Street
“And this new girl who he’s kind of dating but he’s not paying for her so
who knows.” -Stacey
“She offers to pay.” -Cale
“She doesn’t mean it, girls do that. They
offer to pay but they expect you to pay.” -Stacey
"I don’t like beers stronger than IPAs." -Katie
"I don’t even know what that is." -Mom
“I’d rather have another drink than another appetizer. Let’s just eat the
free popcorn.” -Harriet
“I don’t want to get married right now…but I don’t want to get married at
34.” -Harriet
“That should’ve been the headline, don’t go out after 3 a.m.” -Nick, on a shooting that occurred and was discussed on the news
“Wait. There were idiots out at 4:15 am?” -Nick, on the same shooting
“His grandmother with them too. That should have been a tip that he was
Greek. Whole family living in one house, parents still together.” -Jackie
“He opened the door for me, that doesn't happen anymore!” -Jackie
"Have fun with your taxes." -Thea Stephanie
“And it's so ironic because dad was the last one to cook in the kitchen.”
-Mom, gender roles
“I can never remember the answer to those crazy security questions.” -Co-worker
“You should just make the answer to everything pizza. Mom’s maiden
name…pizza. First grade teacher? Pizza.” -Another co-worker
"She's so funny. You have to know her to understand. As if I know
her." -Stacey, on the bride at the The Bachelor wedding
“Online dating, online cabs, it's 2014 and people need to get on board.
That’s just what the world is becoming.” -Morgan
"Is this the one that he's not dating but dating?"
"That's the one." -Morgan
“And his username was something really weird, like my guitar wants to
kill me or something.” -Kathryn, on someone she was troubleshooting technology with
“The Instagram likes would have been worth $33,” -Chris, at Chicago Restaurant Week, on the idea of
ordering one real course and seven desserts
"Eight courses later…I realize we should have just ordered all of the desserts!" -Hannah, Chicago Restaurant Week
“Although Olive Garden is usually where you would go to break up with
someone, but there can be engagements once in awhile.” -Chris
“You can just buy them soup and breadsticks and call it a day.” -Lexi
“Here, eat whatever you want.” -Chris
“You can drown sorrows in 1000 calorie breadsticks.” -Lexi
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