Funny things my friends say: March edition

The habit lives on…yes, I still write down the hilarious things my friends say, with as much context as possible. Here is the month of March's quotes with a heavy emphasis on Greeks, work and funny one-offs. Enjoy! 

  

20-something life

"And everyone on the face of Instagram was there." -Penelope, on the Blackhawks game at Soldier Field 

“I owe you my life. Whatever you want.” -Eleni, on being able to get into bars 

“Pinterest. Food, not going to make it. Crafts, never gonna do them. Clothes, never going to look like that. Let’s just all be honest with ourselves.” -Kelly

"It's Social 25, not Social 58." -Lexi, to her Dad 

"I am overwhelmed with work and underwhelmed with men." -a friend 

“I’m actually starting to become friends with the girl who sold me renter’s insurance. We have a ton in common.” -Dani, on adjusting to a new city 

"All I do is work, work out…” -Jordin

"And tweet about it.” -Jen

“If one of my Instagram photos has 10 likes, I’ll like it and if it gets 12, I’ll unlike it.” -Christina

"Breaking up stinks since he might delete my Netflix profile." -a friend

"Do you know how unoriginal it is to propose at DisneyWorld? I've seen like 25." -Maria 

"I love that Walmart. It's my most popular Yelp review." -Gwen, on the Walmart on Diversey in Chicago

"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool." -Hostess at California Pizza Kitchen

“I don’t think Steve could be happier that you called. I’m talking his ear off about wedding stuff and he’s just staring at me. Steve, Katie’s plans just got cancelled!” -Helen

“Thank God.” -Steve 

“Whatever I get, I want it to be easily available in Kansas City, Chicago, Houston, Minneapolis and St. Louis. So there’s that.” -Helen, on the wedding and bridesmaid dresses 

Greeks
“There’s a monk here from Mt. Athos and you’re serving beverages in Bud Light cups?” -Penelope, on a weekday Lenten service 

“Greek boys don’t know what they want. And they don’t figure it out until they’re like 28. My mom & Yiayia are like that’s why you need to marry someone older.” -Sara

“So basically Facebook for Orthodox people over 30 over the past few days has been all “Don’t forget to bring your icons for Sunday of Orthodoxy.” -Dad 

“I sit next to this woman who drives me crazy and talks the whole time.” -Yiayia Nikie, on her position in church 

“And these Greek Philoptochos ladies from North Chicago think that going to a suburb is like going to Alaska.” -Papou

“You know Yiayia & Papou are getting old when they go out to dinner and order steak during Lent.” -George P. 

"He is Greek but I don't think we have any mutual friends." -Alyssa

"That's just weird." -Christina

"His Eminence Metropolitan Iakavos will be here tonight so we have a long day ahead." -Priest at St. George downtown 

“The kid’s first word is going to be Mama and second will be Papou!” -Dad, on a baby with an older father

“Is he Greek or Antiochian?? -Katie

“E- none of the above.” -Dad

“It was right after church so she was in her 'I’m hungry and haven’t had coffee yet' mood.” -Eleni, on mom

Work

"And in 1996, clients would ask 'What are we going to do on the Internet? There's nobody there." -a manager at work 

"Usually our [Friday] meetings are very unproductive but super fun." -Meredith, on effective meetings at work 

"People with no journalism experience are like how do I get an internship at Propublica? And I’m like maybe you should intern somewhere and GET JOURNALISM EXPERIENCE." -Kara, on answering miscellaneous applicant questions 

"Those millenniums." -Someone in a focus group at work, referring to Millennials 

  

“I found out you were engaged from the printer. Lauren, The Knot.” -one co-worker to another

“It’s the most talked about show on television.” -ABC on the new 'Resurrection' TV show 

“Well how are you measuring that?” -Holly, what your co-workers say when you are in research 

Funny comments from friends

"I can't get any more [driving] tickets this year. I reached my quota in January." -Dean 

"What I do know is that the food won’t suck." -Shaina, on her sister’s wedding, and not knowing a date or any other details 

“Like why would we go to a bar and pay to not hear each other when we could hang out at home? We’re not social.” -Becca

“And then my credit card stopped working.” -Brock

"How?"

"I don’t know, probably Target." 

“My bus hit a taxi this morning so that’s good.” -Lauren L. 

“And their moms are friends. It's just like high school in Northbrook.” -Stacey 

“Every time Steve does something stupid I threaten to not invite him.” -Helen, on their wedding 

“I hate it when we don’t get carded.” -Elizabeth

“Is it rude to call a kid a bastard?” -Blake

“To their face?” -Brock

“As soon as you get into the country, there are signs that say prison area- do not pick up hitchhikers. Boy if I had a camera phone that would be a good Instagram.” -Dad

“I never want to get off my parents’ phone plan.” -Shelley

“He was strange and had a stutter. He wasn't strange BECAUSE he had a stutter, he was strange AND he had a stutter.” -Penelope

“That's my biggest fear about buying pasta sauce, is that I'll want to make pasta and I won't be able to get the sauce open.” -Lauren L, on living alone and having to open bottles, after I shared that I can't open my bottled water

“Just think about a place that Katie & Kathryn would want to go, then think of the complete opposite and that’s where I want to go.” -Shaina, on what bar to go to with Andrew in Knoxville, Tennessee

"The plane’s in a Chicago pothole."
"Too soon people." -Friends, on the Malaysia plane