Christmas cards

Christmas cards are intended to spread holiday cheer. Wikipedia describes them as "greeting cards sent as part of the traditional celebration of Christmas in order to convey between people a range of sentiments related to the Christmas and holiday season." Being in a family that receives Christmas cards from parishioners of our church, family and miscellaneous people we've met around the country, we go through quite a lot of them (as seen in the photo below).

It wasn't until this year that I realized the real connotations Christmas cards have; they are a way to brag, flash your wealth and/or judge people. Maybe a nice gesture to let someone know you remember their existence--whether it's distant cousins, your best friend from middle school or the priest that did your wedding, but once the card arrives, the judging begins. She gained weight, their kids look too much like (insert parent or grandparent here), that's an unattractive family, the dog is hideous. Effortlessly, I immediately think of these examples from cards my family receives annually.

Exhibit A: One family had a tri-fold, double-sided card on photo paper. If that wasn't enough, the front was a picture of each of four children, along with some group photos. The back three sides had three photos- one of a fully furnished and decorated home, one of a pool and jacuzzi with the beach in the background, and another with the sunset. The caption said "FINALLY, after three years, our vacation home in Los Cielos, Mexico is ready!!" Intended reaction...jealousy. We've already seen your kid in every context of each hobby you let them participate in, but cannot fully understand the place your family is in if we didn't see the vacation home. I imagine it to be one of the most beautiful views, but why lust over what you can't have? The Christmas card was an obvious example of showing off the fact that they can afford a beach home, and not just any beach home, that specific one.

Exhibit B: A distant relative annually sends a family photo with a two-page letter describing how her family's life is, with a paragraph on each activity each child is involved in. I've never met the people, and I can probably describe Zach and Lindsay's teen years as best as they can. Three years ago, we heard about the entire family. But two years ago was when life started to fall apart. She included in the card that she was getting a divorce and basically had nowhere to go in life. Last year, she "retired" (although she wasn't old enough to really retire, just stopped working/took a break, depression much?) and her son's girlfriend got knocked up. This year, she's a 'happy' grandmother, her son still is not married and her daughter is probably staying near home for college to keep her mother up and running. Is this Christmas card calling for pity, or the only outlet this woman has to describe her life to someone?

Exhibit C: I picked up my grandmother in Cincinnati to bring her to Chicago for Christmas, and naturally, went through her Christmas card. She whined about getting less cards this year (which probably isn't true, just her perception) and I wondered why she cared. All the cards she got were pre-written, and literally had "Dear Sophie," at the top, and the person' signature under Hallmark's generic paragraph and hope all is well wishes. We had an interesting experience running into an extended family member at a nearby restaurant, where the conversation went something like this:

"Hi Sophie!"

"Hi! How's your 90 year old father?"

"He's doing great, thanks for asking!"

"Really, I wouldn't know, I didn't get his Christmas card." (why she said this, I don't know)

"That's odd, I sent them all out!" (daughter doing her job taking care of her 90 year old father from his nursing home)

"Guess I'm off the list then."

Besides the fact that senior citizens are blunt, this taught me that old people especially realize who still cares about them and wants others to know they're alive through the exchange of Christmas cards. Sure, spreading some holiday spirit is worth something; it's exciting to get mail in the winter that's not a credit card bill. But one value of cards are to know who is still up and running and well enough to write them themselves.

Exhibit D: Let's discuss the average Christmas card, a family photo. This can constitute a photo of just the children, the parents too or extended family at a nice event. Choosing that picture can be difficult because you are giving half of the people on the card list one emblem to base their thoughts on your family off of for another year. With these cards, upon receiving them, you look at a few attributes. This is included but not limited to the attractiveness of the family, how their well-being seems from the picture, where the photo is taken, if the parents are in it too, how many people or kids are in it, which parent or family member they resemble and more. As the most simple of cards, I think they portray a classy representation of one's family to their extended social circle.

Basically, when you include a letter or multiple photos on your Christmas card, you're asking for more mental judgment. You give your readers more to play off of. This depresses me because we take something so positive, the spirit of the Christmas holiday and celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, and just evolve the idea into something it is not. Matthew 7:1 says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Luke 6:37 reinforces this by saying "Don't judge or condemn others." So when you get these Christmas cards, instead of trying to interpret someone's life success, appreciate the holiday spirit they are sending you in the form of the excitement of receiving mail.

How do I know that people judge and look at some cards negatively? Because I am guilty of it. My sisters and I often read letters aloud, look up the Facebook profiles of people we know from Christmas card land and are curious to learn more about, and "aww" the cute children. So as someone guilty of this, what am I going to do to not be a hypocrite?

As my solution, I'll probably send out a photo card because of my obvious obsession with photos when I get older, but do a little more to show I care. Until I have kids, get ultra-stressed out and go through a mid-life crisis, I'm going to personalize the cards with notes! Handwritten or not, it at least shows that you genuinely care about the family. And if you blank out on what to write on one of these notes, you know that person shouldn't be getting your Christmas card anyway. You'll not only save postage money, but no longer feel forced to maintain fake life relationships. The people who judge you based on how you and your dog look aren't who you should care about in life.

So rather than analyzing others by their Christmas cards, I sincerely hope that you appreciate the fact that someone cared enough about you to want you to know how their family is doing. They want to maintain some sort of contact; maybe not continuously, but some type of relationship still exists. When sending out your own Christmas cards, think of your intentions of sending a note to that family. Do you want to brag and how off how nice your family looks at your cousin's wedding, or do you want to express that although you had no time to call or e-mail someone this year, you still care that they are alive.

On an ending note, here is the Artemas family Christmas card. Anyone who cares about me enough to read this blog probably got one. I genuinely wish you a Merry Christmas, thank anyone who has sent me their family's card and hope you have a great holiday!